“So I always tell people, you don't have to be shiny like me. You gotta be shiny like you. And just remember, I mentioned that I'm a candle. Candle shine, light shine, mirrors shine, sun shines, diamond shine, all those things shine. So you have to be authentic to yourself and shine the way you would shine and how you would show up.” - Vivian Kaye

Vivian Kaye is a powerhouse when it comes to helping entrepreneurs step into their confidence and own their value. In this episode, Vivian is talking all things “audacity” - how to build those muscles to take risk, be confident, and be authentic.

Highlights

1. F*ck it - How turning 40 life made Vivian care less about what other people think

2. Building your audacity muscles - how to claim your space and power

3. Asking “why not?” to battle your imposter syndrome and step into opportunities with confidence

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Connect with Vivian:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsviviankaye/

Find Us Online:  https://www.confessionswithjessandcindy.com/

Connect with Cindy:

Cindy Wagman Coaching https://cindywagman.com/

The Good Partnership https://www.thegoodpartnership.com/

Connect with Jess: 

Out In the Boons: https://www.outintheboons.me/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Cindy: Welcome to the Confessions podcast. I'm Cindy Wagman.

[00:00:03] Jess: And I'm Jess Campbell. We're two former in-house nonprofit pros turned coaches and consultants to purpose-driven organizations.

[00:00:11] Cindy: After years of building up our separate six-figure businesses from scratch. We've thrown a lot of spaghetti at the wall and have lived to see what sticks.

[00:00:20] Jess: We're on a mission to help other nonprofit coaches and consultants looking to start or scale their own businesses past the six-figure mark, by pulling back the curtain.

[00:00:30] Cindy: Whether you're still working inside a nonprofit and thinking of one day going out on your own, or you've been running your consulting business for years, you understand that working with nonprofits is just different. We're giving you access to the business leaders who serve nonprofits as their clients. You know, the people who truly get it.

[00:00:52] Jess: No more gatekeeping, no more secrets. This podcast is going to give you an inside. Look at what running a successful nonprofit coaching and consulting business looks like. Basically, we're asking people how much money they make, how they get paid, and what has, and hasn't worked in their businesses.

[00:01:11] Cindy: Listen in as these leaders share their insights, their numbers and the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to building a nonprofit coaching or consulting business, we're gonna empower you to make the power moves that give you the income and freedom you set out to create from day one.

[00:01:28] Jess: You ready? Let's go. We're so pumped, that you've tuned into the confessions podcast where we're pulling back the curtain on all things, nonprofit coaching and consulting to keep things super fun. We're doing a giveaway to celebrate our launch.

[00:01:44] Cindy: Woohoo. We rounded up our four favorite business goodies to help you build your business to enter. All you have to do is share your favorite episode on social media, tagging @outintheboons_ and cindywagman.com_coaching.

[00:02:01] Jess: Or DM as a screenshot of your subscription rating or review.

[00:02:06] Cindy: The giveaway ends on September 30th.

[00:02:09] Cindy & Jess: Good luck!

[00:02:09] Jess: Hi Cindy.

[00:02:012] Cindy: Hey Jess. We’re back with another great episode.

[00:02:18] Cindy: This one is just like, go somewhere quiet and turn up the volume of your phone or whatever you use to listen to podcasts or car radio, any, whatever it is. I think you just need to sit and bask in this conversation. It's that good.

[00:02:38] Jess: Yes. So thanks to Cindy here. I'll just give credit where credit is due.

[00:02:43] Cindy: We have the one and only Vivian Kaye who gives us a real lesson in combating all things, mindset shifts, imposter syndrome, having fun of your business, bringing personality to your business. The whole time we were just like throwing our hands in the air cheering like yes, yes, yes. It was so good.

[00:03:08] Jess: Yeah. And to bring he listeners behind the scenes, Jess and I type in the chat, we record on Zoom and we type in the chat to each other as we're having conversations to ask questions and, and coordinate. And we just kept saying like, that was so good. That was so good. That was so good. it's so good.

[00:03:26] Cindy: It's so good. And I think if anyone here listening a nonprofit coach consultant, who is at any phase of their business, but it's just feeling a little kind of small or quiet, or not really stepping into their full potential, this is really the pep talk that kick in the pants that you probably need to listen to, to kickstart you into some movement.

[00:03:51] Jess: And I really took away that authenticity, like, and you'll hear it in Vivian's voice, in her stories, in her examples, how authentic she is and how stepping into that has allowed her to build the business that is just so perfect for her. And I want that for all of you. and I know Jess does too. So as we said, give this a listen let us know what you think.

[00:04:21] Cindy: Yes. Enjoy.

[00:04:23] Jess: Vivian. Welcome to the podcast.

[00:04:26] Vivian: Cool. Thank you. It's an absolute pleasure to be here.

[00:04:29] Cindy: I'm so excited for this conversation because I've seen you in person and you're fire. And I just know that our audience needs to hear from you.

[00:04:43] Jess: Audience? Both of us.

[00:04:46] Cindy: Both of us too. We need all of your glow and energy and enthusiasm because you just, I mean, you light people up. And I know.

[00:04:59] You're a candle. I like that and we need that. And so I'd love before we dive into sort of the questions I'd love for you to just introduce yourself and what you do.

[00:05:11] Vivian: Yeah. So, officially I am Vivian Kaye, I'm the founder and CEO of KinkyCurlyYaki, which is a premium textured hair extensions brand for black women that I built, or I bootstrapped rather, from zero to a multimillion dollar company, I'm also a business and empowerment expert.

[00:05:30] I've been an entrepreneur for 17 years. I'm a mom, I'm a podcast TV show, you know, personality and I'm an all round dope lady.

[00:05:45] Cindy: Agreed. I agree. Which is why we asked you to join us. Now have you, I feel like you speak to entrepreneurs specifically about finding their worth and living or stepping into their worth. Can you tell us a little bit about why that's, why that's important or why you think people aren't doing that so much?

[00:06:13] Vivian: Why people aren't finding their worth? Well, I think especially as women, so I like to say I don't necessarily speak to entrepreneurs. I like to say I speak to women and then of course, I sort of break it out into the different demographics of women I could possibly speak to. Right? So there's the entrepreneurial women, there's the moms, there's the, you know, the people who work in corporate spaces.

[00:06:33] And of course the nonprofit spaces, just basically women, you know, and black women are women of color, because you know, we're taught by society that, you know, we shouldn't take risks. We need to stay safe. We need to do, we need to be good. We need to be this and bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Right? So when society's constantly telling you all sorts of stuff, it's easy for, it's easy for someone to, you know, I guess not really know their value.

[00:07:04] Right. Especially when everyone's always telling you, you know, whatever, it doesn't matter what you do, it's not worth it, or it's not valuable or you're this, or you're that, like, if there's, someone's always finding something wrong with you. And so I'm one of those people who, obviously I live in society.

[00:07:19] So, and especially as a black woman, as a single mom, as a college dropout, as an immigrant, you know, and a woman period, I, that weighs heavy on you. Right. And so then one day I just woke up and said, no more. I'm worth it. Like, I may not be, I may not be as shiny like you, but I'm shiny in my own way. Like I mentioned I'm a candle, so I'm a candle that lights other candles.

[00:07:45] Right. And so I want people to see their worth and I, and especially women and especially women of color and especially entrepreneurial women and especially black women and black and people of color. Anyone who needs to hear it, come and listen.

[00:08:02] Jess: I, first of all, you have the best laugh.

[00:08:06] Vivian: Thank you.

[00:08:07] Jess: You really do. So you just mentioned one day you woke up and said I'm done. And I imagine for people that are listening, even myself included that is, can feel easier said than done or maybe not. I'm curious either what led up to you making that decision or if you literally just woke up one day, but I'm curious for folks listening in who are feeling tired, but haven't been able to make that mental shift. If you have any advice for them on how, on how to get to the other side.

[00:08:43] Vivian: Well, honestly, I would say I did wake up one day and I was done, but I was also, I think I'd also just literally turned 40. So I find that after 40, you just, can I curse? You just run out of fucks Right. You just, you could care less because if you think about it, you spend your twenties trying to be a grown up and, you know, worrying about what other people think and trying to get your yourself established in comparison, comparing yourself to your peers and in your thirties, you're still doing the same thing, except you're a little bit more sure of yourself, but you're still not quite, you still haven't quite found that footing.

[00:09:18] Right. But by 40 you're like shit, I was already standing on a great foundation. I don't know who talked me out of thinking that I didn't know what I was thinking or what I wanted or what I was doing. But now it's just like, it turns out I do know what I'm talking about. It turns out I do know what I'm doing, so now I can care less.

[00:09:37] Like I'm not, you know, you, I think by 40 you sort of figure out, you know what? You have this one life to live, right? When you're in your twenties, you think you're gonna live forever. When you're in your thirties, you get caught up in, you know, the comparison, oh, I should be married. I should be having kids.

[00:09:50] I should be buying a house. I should have all those, all those things. Then by 40, you have all that stuff and you're still not happy. And why? Because you'd spent all this time trying to please other people. And so then I literally just woke up one day and said, you know what, screw it. Like, I don't care. I'm going to just continue off my lifeand if someone doesn't like it, then they can just go kick rocks with flip flops.

[00:10:15] Cindy: I love it also because my son was playing soccer and flip flops the other day. I was like, yeah, you, what are you doing, dude? Um, no, it's painful. but I, yes, I think like we're so here and Jess and I kind of joke because we're on either side of 40 by a couple years. And so.

[00:10:35] Vivian: So you're creeping. So, but here's the thing you could easily get this now. Like you could easily feel this way now. It's just, you really just have to have that resolving you that's just like, screw it. Yeah. Like what? Like, why am I worried about something I can't control?

[00:10:49] Cindy: Yes. So how does, how do we take that energy and that fuck it mindset. And how do we bring that into our decisions and behaviors, as in our case, you know, nonprofit consultants and people, entrepreneurs who still have like a big hangover of like the nonprofit mindset. And, you know, It it's something that I think we have to cultivate. So how do you cultivate it?

[00:11:20] Vivian: Well, I like to say, you know, in life, I like to say, fuck it, but in my professional life, it's more like, why not? Right. So like, why not? Like when you think about, okay, well, should we be applying for that grant because we're not exactly 100% qualified da, da, and it's like, wait a minute.

[00:11:36] Why not? Why not apply for it? Cause the worst that could happen is that they say no. So why, like, why put yourself, like, why not put yourself in a position for that yes. Right. So one of the things that I've always that I've been sort of saying this year is what's the best that could happen? Right. And so instead of, you know, instead of thinking, you know, the glass is half empty and the glass is not full and blah, no, let's think on the more positive side.

[00:12:02] Right. So what's the best that could happen? And so I think, you know, we mentioned, you know, we talked a little bit about this before we started recording, but you know, in the nonprofit sector, that's probably like the most, one of the most humble, you know, the humblest, the humblest areas you could ever be in, you know, in terms of, you know, in career.

[00:12:21] So you're forced to be humble, but you know, if you really think about it, it's the place where you shouldn't be because you're helping people and you need to be able to, you know, to have that big ass, you need to be able to say, why not? Why can't I, we apply for these things. Why can't we ask for money?

[00:12:39] Why can't we, you know, do this project that no one thinks a, you know, a nonprofit should be doing, because it's not a nonprofity thing because only for profit companies do that type stuff. Well, why can't you apply it to your business? Right. And so now I'm not saying to go around and act like, you know, jerks or anything, but, you know, but just ask yourself, why not?

[00:12:58] Why can't we do these things? Why not? Like it doesn't, it doesn't hurt. So you might as well just do.

[00:13:04] Jess: I'm curious if you have a, why not story? Like one time when you really did just say, you know, whether it was in your head bucket or it was professionally, why not? And what that resulted in? Um, I think everyone would really love to hear anything that's kind of transpired from that mentality.

[00:13:21] Vivian: Well, you know, there's a lot of opportunities that I've been presented with. And I've always been like, are me, are you sure? Like, are you sure actually, you know what, there's one, there's one in particular. So, a luxury car brand slid into my DMs and said, we would love to feature you in a campaign. And I said, Ooh me, because with this car brand, this luxury car brand, their typical customer is the older white male.

[00:13:48] And I am the exact opposite of that. I am a short, fat black woman. Ah, you know, a single mother, an immigrant, a college dropout, like I am the exact opposite of what they would expect, you know, from what their typical customer would look like. And they said, no, but that's exactly what we want. We wanna be able to shake things up and we think you're the perfect person to do that.

[00:14:13] And so then at first I had a little doubt cause I was like, oh, I already know what's going to happen. You know, the trolls, um, you know, and you know, people thinking that I didn't deserve to be that, but then I had to sort of stick a pin in it and. Why not like, why not? It's not like I reached out to them and they're saying no to me, no, they watched me and said, this is the type of vibe we want for our brand.

[00:14:35] We think you're perfect for it. And I'm here to deny them. Why, why should I deny? Why not? And so then I said, okay, let's do it. And it's been, it's been a ride ever since. And that was last February. Now, every single month, you see me in a different new luxury car because I said, why not?

[00:14:56] Cindy: I want your gig. I mean, Jess and I are writing notes to each other, like, yes, we love this . Um, but I love, okay. So the first thing that came up for me is you were telling that story is like the immediate imposter syndrome.That comes up for, for all of us.Um, and how you use that why not to overcome that? Mm-hmm um, but I'd love for you to talk a little bit more about, you know, cuz we, I think we all suffer from imposter syndrome and that shows up a lot in how we have those conversations.and I know you talk a lot about this, so give us your pep talk, tell us about, you know, how we can start to overcome that feeling of not being worth it.

[00:15:48] Vivian: Um, well, you know, listen, the, the feeling of not, the feeling of not feeling like you're worth, it stems from something like, it's actually a tangible thing. Like we, if you think about it, like, um, I forget what the exact number is, but let's just say I, as a black woman, I make 67 cents on the white man's dog.

[00:16:08] Right. So, and I think with white women, it's like 77 cents or something like that. And, you know, our indigenous women make 65 cents and our disabled sisters make even less than that, like 50, 50 something cents. And so there it's actually in the numbers, it's in the data that we are valued less than our white male counterparts.

[00:16:27] Right. And so it's rooted in something, but the difference, the only difference between us and in my opinion is audacity. So, as I mentioned earlier, we always, we are always taught, especially as women to be, uh, you know, not to take risks, to always stay on the safe side. Even we teach our children, like your boy was playing in flip flops and playing soccer and you're like, he's crazy.

[00:16:52] But if your girl was doing that, you'd be like, Hey, little girl, go inside and change your shoes and wear the proper shoes before you play soccer. Cuz you're going to get hurt. I'm sure you told the boy he was going to get hurt, but he didn't care because he has the audacity. Right. And so, um, I, and I think that's, what's missing.

[00:17:07] So a lot of us have that expertise. We have that, uh, that experience we have that knowhow, we just don't have that audacity that, that boldness, that boys are brought up with and apply to everything that they do, we don't have that. Right. And even when girls do have it it's oh, they're arrogant. They're aggressive.

[00:17:26] They're this we're or, you know, if, if, if we're assertive it's oh, she's a bitch. Whereas boys don't get that. Right. And so now I forget what your question was.

[00:17:38] Cindy: it's good. I love that. I mean, we all that audacity, I think is, is something that we have to build muscle with. Um, but I'm gonna let Jess ask a question and we can chat, chat more about it.

[00:17:54] Vivian: Yeah. No, I forgot what the question was.

[00:17:57] Jess: No, I think you answered it. And I, um, I'm sitting here thinking, okay. How do you carry that mentality through when you hear a no when things don't go your way. Um, I think as women, especially, for example, you just told the story about the little boy, right? And they are trained from birth to let no slide off their back and they get really good at asking it a different way, right?

[00:18:24] Where women, I know, even just in my little girl, I have a six year old daughter. I watch what a version of no does to her and I think it personal. Oh, oh, that is like an understatement for my girl. Um, and so, you know, especially for folks in the nonprofit sector, Folks who may not have a background in fundraising specifically, you know, maybe they're from the legal side or the program side or the leadership side.

[00:18:52] Jess: And so they haven't literally had experience with as many nos as maybe our fundraising folks might. But now they're in their own business. Right. And they have to ask for business. it's not just always gonna fall in their lap. How do you practice audacity? How do you practice the, you know, why not knees after you've been kicked down a, a couple of times?

[00:19:16] Vivian: Well, that's the point? You will get kicked down a couple of times, like we talked about audacity being a muscle, like success is the child of audacity. Right? So the only way you're going to get to that success is to have that audacity. And in order to get that audacity, you're gonna hear a couple of nos, but if there's one thing you gotta keep in mind is no one ever died from no.

[00:19:37] Did it kill you? No. It hurts your feelings a little bit, but you know what? Those are feelings. Feelings are not facts, right? So you just need to, okay. They said, no. Okay. You know what cool. That may be not the right opportunity for me.

[00:19:54] Cindy: Okay. We are back with another rapid fire round of questions, Vivian. You ready to play?

[00:20:01] Vivian: I'm ready.

[00:20:02] Cindy: Okay. Thanks for being a good sport. What is the best vacation you've ever been on? And why?

[00:20:09] Vivian: I just came back from, uh, I'm originally from Ghana. West Africa, and I just came back. Well, not just, but recently came back from, uh, 10 days. Uh, and I didn't bring my kid, I wasn't with my parents. So it was just me just Ghana venting and amazing. Honestly, it was like, yeah, it was one of the best vacations I've ever been on.

[00:20:28] Jess: Solo vacation. I'm a big fan, big fan. If you had an extra $100 to spend, what would you buy?

[00:20:39] Vivian: If I had a hundred dollars to spend, what would I buy? I'd probably take it and do something with my kid. Like I'd pro we'd probably go to like the C like, you know, somewhere like CNE or, you know, something fun where I'm, I'm really into creating memories for him, like giving him the experiences as opposed to giving him stuff.so I would, I would do something with him just to, so he could remember.

[00:21:01] Jess: I love it. You mentioned, um, a bit earlier that you had an opportunity to work with a luxury car brand and both Cindy and I were wondering, who is your dream luxury brand to work with?

[00:21:15] Vivian: My dream luxury brand. Believe it or not is not a luxury, but actually, no, I, I guess. It would be, it could be, I would say, um, I would say an airline. So I was gonna say Air Canada, but they're going through it right now. Definitely not, not the air Canada.

[00:21:31] Cindy: I mean, it's the luxury to fly, but come up.

[00:21:33] Vivian: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would say an airline, like I would say, you know, actually I was just looking today at Sunwing cuz they have a single parent packages. So I was like, oh man, wouldn't it be great if I could be an influencer for Sunwing and just me and my son just gallop around the world and just do trips.

[00:21:51] So I'm putting that out there.

[00:21:52] Cindy: Manifested.

[00:21:54] Vivian: And manifesting to become like an influencer and travel around the world with my son. So, yeah.

[00:21:59] Jess: Amazing. Well, thank you for playing great answers. And, uh, I hope that that comes through.

[00:22:07] Vivian: It will. It will come true.

[00:22:12] And then, you know what, the next thing, the next thing that the better thing will come next, then you're like, oh, I am so glad I didn't take that last thing. I'm so glad that last thing didn't work out for me. Right? Like what's, what's that saying? You know, God closes a window then, you know, you can, he'll the next thing, you know, he is opening a roof or something or what one door closes and another window opens type thing.

[00:22:32] Right. So like you, so you have to have that. Listen, if you're gonna achieve any sort of success, you have to take those, those nos on the chin. You have to otherwise, you know, you're gonna spend your, you can't spend your life, you know, licking your wounds all the time. It's like sometimes those wounds become scars and those scars become, I don't know where this is going, but you know, you need those nos.

[00:22:57] Like, you cannot take it to heart it's you cannot take it personal. It's just business. Right. And so those nos are the muscle. Hearing all those nos. Okay. You keep, you keep going. You keep going. And then eventually those nos will just roll off your shoulders. And you're like, okay, that's okay. Their loss.

[00:23:15] And then the next person or the next organization or whatever it is that says, yes, it's going to be one of the biggest yeses. Right. Or even if it's just a series of small yeses and, or, or maybe not right now, right. Everything isn't like, again, nobody ever died from someone saying no. No one. So it doesn't hurt to ask you don't, don't do it to yourself.

[00:23:35] Don't say no, don't count yourself out before someone else does. What's the point of that? The world will do that for you.

[00:23:41] Cindy: Make someone else's yeah. Don't make their decision for them. I always say.

[00:23:44] Vivian: Exactly.

[00:23:47] Cindy: I literally have so many notes I want to ask you now. I, I wanna, I'm trying to decide which to ask you first, but I, I came up this morning with one of my, uh, clients, so I wanna talk about hearing no and then growing to say no, because I think that's an evolution in most people's businesses where you, you hear no more. You're not closing clients early on, but then you get to a point where you are successful and you have to start saying no more.

[00:24:17] Vivian: Good problems to have.

[00:24:18] Cindy: A good problem, but it's a hard problem. What I see people struggle with is having to say no to money in hand in order to have opportunity to build what your business dreams are. And I would love for you to talk a little bit about the audacity that's required when you are saying no. Right?

[00:24:40] Vivian: I think the audacity that's required when you're saying no. First of all, when you start any business, you should have a goal in mind. Like, what is, what is your why? Why are you even doing this in the first place? Right. So like, let's just say, you know, you're setting yourself to be, I don't know, a program manager for nonprofits, the goal, your goal should be, I don't know, to create the best program you can for underprivileged or marginalized kids in a marginalized community.

[00:25:07] Let's just say that's what that is. Right? So that's the goal. So everything that comes your way will not necessarily help you get to that goal. So you have to always keep that why in mind? Why are you doing this? I'm doing this because I wanna help marginalize kids learn how to read. Is working with this organization going to help you get to that end goal?

[00:25:28] Yes or no, simple it's and it's black or white, right? If you have to find yourself rationalizing yourself into a yes, then it's really a no. Right. And so really again, you just have to focus on what your, why is what's your end goalendgoal. What, like, what are you trying to accomplish here? If it does not directly, if it does not align with that end goal, don't do it because you'll regret it.

[00:25:52] And, and trust me, it'll be one of the, I don't wanna see the biggest regrets, but you'll look back on it and be like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that.

[00:25:59] Cindy: Yeah, those are always the clients you end up regretting working with, for sure.

[00:26:04] Vivian: The ones you have to talk yourself into and not because you have imposter, there's a difference between imposter syndrome, where, you know, you do know you have the skillset, you just don't have the audacity or the, confidence to do it.

[00:26:17] And then there's the no, this just doesn't align with what I wanna. And you're just taking it because you need to be able to pay your bills. Well, that's gonna come back and bite you in the ass somehow. It always does. Right. So sometimes it's better to just, okay, does it align with what I want to do? Yes or no?

[00:26:35] No? Okay. Then no, it makes it easier when you have that in mind, but if you're letting it, if you're letting money lead the way, eventually again, it's gonna bite you in the ass.

[00:26:46] Jess: So another place that I know, Cindy and I see imposter syndrome rear its ugly head is in how you show up as a brand as a company, how you develop your culture, um, especially in the nonprofit consulting space, you know, there's a lot of agencies and, um, you know, multimillion dollar machines of businesses compared to the, you know, single business owner. Yes. And I think that we looked, you know, towards some of these other companies and try to mimic those. Um, and I'm just curious, I can tell just your brand, just by like the color on the, on your walls and your nails and just everything. Like you bring your personality and vibe into everything that you do.

[00:27:36] I know because I know how successful you are. That radiates all the way trickles down to, to how you serve your clients. So I'm just curious for anyone who's having imposter syndrome or, you know, feeling a little bit shy about shining, being their own version of a candle, you know, what you would say to them or how to even get started? I think starting is probably the trickiest part.

[00:27:59] Vivian: Yeah. Um, I would say starting is the trickiest part, but one of the things you have to keep up, you have to keep in mind is that you have to be authentic to you. So I always tell people, you don't have to be shiny like me. You gotta be shiny like you. And just remember, I mentioned that I'm a candle. Candle shine, light shine, mirrors shine, sun shines, diamond shine, all those things shine.

[00:28:19] So you just, you have to keep, so you have to be authentic to yourself and shine the way you would shine and how you would show up. Because if, especially if this is a long game, you can't go in pretending to be someone else because you will. That's where the, a imposter syndrome will live with you because you're not being true to yourself.

[00:28:34] Right. And so you just have to keep in mind that you just gotta, you have to show up authentically throughout everything. It's like hot sauce. You just gotta put that on every, you gotta put that shit on everything. Right. So if you're going to be like me worth the long pink nails and the pink wall and the bright glasses, and then just being you all the way through, because you're going to attract the people you need to attract.

[00:28:56] Right. You can't like, I always say, especially in the entrepreneur space, people are like, oh, well I can't because Amazon's my competition. No, Amazon is not your competition. Cuz Amazon doesn't have you. You are the secret sauce. Right. Amazon can't compete with you and you can't compete. So why are you trying to even compete with Amazon?

[00:29:15] Right. Amazon doesn't have that secret, that secret, that geniusly quo, right? They just, you know, you buya, you know, a thing that, you know is not gonna last forever. And then it just throw it, they throw it in a box and it gets delivered to your doorstep. And you're good. But when you want to, when you're looking for something specific, you're gonna go with the brand.

[00:29:32] You're gonna go with someone or the brand that stands for that. Right. And so you want to be, and so you want to be yourself. You want to be memorable in your own way.

[00:29:41] So that you, my brain just, I had a brain fart just there so that, see, I'm being my authentic self. Like sometimes, you know, people ask me questions and I'm like, you know what? I don't know.

[00:29:54] Cindy: Oh, there's so much power in that answer.

[00:29:57] Vivian: Right. I, I don't know. Or, you know, I'm being honest. Like I had a brain for, I forgot what the question was, you know, all those things, but that's what makes me stand out.

[00:30:05] That's what makes me memorable. I, I spoke at something you remembered me. Right. And so you have to shine like you, right? So I always say I'm not a role model. I am a possibility model. So you're seeing the things that I'm doing. You're seeing that I'm being myself while doing it and you don't have to do it like me.

[00:30:23] You gotta do it like you, but you know that it's possible to be you and people will accept it anyways and listen being yourself, you're just going to attract that light energy, Right. You're going to attract that. So I wouldn't be worried about these agencies and their polishing. There's listen, there's they have a customer and you have a customer, right? So just focus on who your customer is, what your why is, and you will attract those people to you.

[00:30:49] Jess: I love that. I love it so much. Um, so coincidentally, it wasn't even planned. I was listening to you on a different podcast over the weekend when I was driving around running errands. It's I was listening to Iman’s new podcast.

[00:31:03] Vivian: Okay. Yeah. Yep.

[00:31:04] Jess: And one of the things you talked about was a pretty, um, significant stake you made in your business?

[00:31:11] Vivian: Which one?

[00:31:11] Jess: Uh, I think it was actually.

[00:31:13] Vivian: No, I know I had to narrow it down for that one. Yeah.

[00:31:16] Jess: And for people who haven't listened to Iman’s podcast, I'm curious if you would share about that mistake or a different mistake and what you took from that, how you learned from that, how you recovered from that, how you saw it as a possibility, um, in your business, as someone who has now made several success, successful businesses possible. Um, I think sometimes it's helpful for other entrepreneurs to listen to stories about how people have, um, overcome.

[00:31:49] Vivian: Yeah. Well, there's a lot of things that I've overcome. So, you know, being a mom, being a single mom at that, being a black woman, being an immigrant, being a college dropout, again, being all those things that when you look up success in the dictionary, you wouldn't see someone that looked with like me or had the same experiences as me listed as a success.

[00:32:06] Right. So, um, the mistake that you were referring to is a $12,000 mistake that I made. So I had hired a company to do, um, to do some rebranding. And they did such a good job on rebranding. Um, I thought, okay, well, I'm gonna hire them to do, you know, to, to do photography. So we needed to re, I need to refresh. Now I've got a new brand, new logo, new colors. I needed photography to match that and content to match that. So I'd hired a company that same company that helped me with the branding to do this photography, cuz you would think kinda the same difference. Right. Um, and so then my problem was, or the mistake that I made was I was hands off.

[00:32:45] So I was like, oh, well they figured this out. So I'm just gonna let them, you know, go with this. I mean, I had some input, um, but what happened was, you know, the day of the, the actual session, you know, the models were there and everything was going, everything was going. And I, and as soon as I walked into the room, I knew the vibe was off.

[00:33:03] Like, it was totally not this vibe, this Vivian vibe, it was a very cool, calm, relaxed kind of vibe and it's like, Ooh, that is not me at all. But I thought, you know what some costs I was thinking of all the money I'd spent to get here. It's okay. Just let it go. As the day goes on and on I'm like, this is like pulling teeth, like it was just, it was just not good.

[00:33:26] I was like, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I was thinking about the $12,000 I'd already and US Dollars. So the 12,000 USD had already sunk into this. Let me just let it go until I got back the photography. Like I got back the, you know, the final product I saw the photos and I was like, okay. It's okay. It's okay.

[00:33:45] I'm gonna let it go. I'm gonna let it go. But then when I saw the video, I was like, oh hell no, no, absolutely not. I cannot let this cannot fly. This is not what I envision at all. And, and the interesting thing was when I brought it up to the person I'd left in charge with this, she's like, well, you should have said something while we were at the shoot.

[00:34:05] And so basic and she was right. She's like, you let this happen because I was so busy, focused on the sunk costs. Right. And so then what that taught me, so I ended up having to spend another 12 or $10,000 doing the whole thing all over again. And what you see is the result of what's on my website right now.

[00:34:22] And so what it taught me was you can't trust someone else with your vision, right? You can't, again, you have that goal in mind, right? So even when you start to hire people on and you have that, why you have to communicate that you have to communicate your missions, you have to communicate your values. You have to communicate why, you know, working with this type of company does not align with what you, you know, what you want to accomplish as a nonprofit.

[00:34:48] You have to communicate that because you can't trust, like you just can't, uh, think through osmosis, there are through mind reading that they're gonna figure out what it is that you're gonna do. You have to communicate that and you have to be hands on and you have to, you have to do as much work, like as much as the grind work and as much as the hustle until you can actually sit back and like, okay, everyone understands what my mission is here.

[00:35:10] And I trust them to go ahead and do that. So, yeah.

[00:35:15] Cindy: Thank you for sharing that story. And I think Vivian, it's a good reminder that even as we progress and grow in our business, there are certain things that have to stay really close to the CEO and business owner. As much as we wanna offload things to other people, there's certain things like vision, uh, that probably are best.

[00:35:35] Vivian: The secret sauce. Right? The, you. Magic.

[00:35:37] Cindy: Yeah. Yeah. So as we wrap up our conversation, I have one last question. You strike me as someone that is just super fun and a blast to be around a good time, all the way. I'm curious, what you think is the most fun part about being a business owner and why?

[00:35:54] Vivian: Uh, the most fun part about being a business owner, I would say is the flexibility. I love the flexibility. Like my, like the very thought of doing like, you know, every, you know, as an entrepreneur, every other day, you're like, okay, either I go get a nine to five or a sugar daddy, but, um, but even then those are very rigid, right? Like with nine to five, it's like, no, let's just, and I cannot imagine doing that unless they, unless flexibility was incorporated into it. Right. And so, you know, for me, the funnest part is the flexibility, the ability, like, you know, some days or some weeks, it's like, you know, we're working 70 hours and there's some weeks I'm working for. Right. Like I just, I, I love the ability to just make it work for my life and for what my goals are and my values and my mission. Um, and again, I have that why and my, why is my son, right? He's I wanna show him that despite all these obstacles that were laid out in front of me, I was still able to live life. And, and especially with my name, my name Vivian means lively one.

[00:36:59] So it means to live like just to live. Right. And so I want to be able to do that. And being an entrepreneur gives me that flexibility to live. That's the funny part.

[00:37:10] Jess: So beautiful. I love that. I love that.

[00:37:13] Cindy: Vivian, thank you again for being on our podcast and for sharing your candle and light.

[00:37:21] Vivian: Well, I hope I lit some other candles.

[00:37:22] Cindy: You did. Where can listeners learn more about you and connect?

[00:37:30] Vivian: Uh, well, I'm an absolute pleasure to follow on Instagram. Uh so that's where, that's where I shine my light. And so you can find me there at @itsviviankaye dot, no itsviviankaye, that's it. itsviviankaye. So it's I T S V I V I A N K A Y E. If you see me, I'm the black lady with the crown and balloons and big boobs.

[00:37:51] . Um, so that's me. So that's where, that's where you can find me.

[00:37:56] Cindy: Amazing. Thank you. And to all of our listeners, thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time.

[00:38:04] Cindy: Thank you again for listening to the Confessions podcast for nonprofit coaches and consultants. If you enjoyed today's episode, which I sure hope you did, you can enjoy your support in one of three ways.

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[00:38:34] Cindy: And of course, make sure you subscribe so you can get the latest and greatest interviews as they drop every Thursday.

[00:38:40] Jess: And to our fellow nonprofit coaching and consulting friends, remember, we're an open book and here to answer your burning biz questions.

[00:38:48] Cindy: See you next time.